Koneko Do - Kätzchen wird erwachsen

Love,

I spend the rest of the evening watching my Okami thing. After writing the stuff up for you. Letting the mat alone for today (well, I did teach, so it won't knock me of my paws). Before talking to you on the phone. And after. And also after we talked again. I really shouldn't encourage your not so healthy habits, should I? I guess, I am so relaxed about it, because I feel, that that is the best I can do. Condeming & preaching helps little. I wonder how many people have told you in your life, that you just should do this, or avoid that or be a little bit more like that. How is that? Getting from everyone around you this feeling of – can't think of a better word, right now, sorry – alienation? Of constantly being told, that you are in a way not good enough, not achieving enough, not performing your best? Because that is it, isn't it? Your way of doing it, is not appropriate to others. And it only ok to say so, because everyone means well & does so for your own good. Not that they don't get a kick out of it, feeling holier than thou. Including me, of course. I remember how you told me you would prefer regarded as busy rather then stressed. I do get it. I also get the other people – it is a way of caring, even though it might hurt & don't make anything better. And propably they are right, in an abstract or meta sense. But even if a thing is true for most, it doesn't work for all. The moon doesn't become the sun, because someone tells him, to just cheer up a bit. Just don't be that night fury. Not helpful, right?
So, if there is truly is no way of dealing in absolutes, do we have to accept suffering? Or compromises: Rather boring after a while, but at least safe? Rather getting the work done, than live? Rather change something than experience bliss. I do not want to accept that. As much as I don't want to accept,that love should be conditioned by the fact if it is returned equally. No. There is freedom. Of choice. The choice how I think. The choice how I act. The choice, not just to react. If there is freedom, it lies in that choices.

Be the best, healthiest and happiest night fury – feeling cared for, understood and loved. That's how I would like to approach it. Not no matter what it takes. But still against all odds, as long as I all by myself can deal with them, knowing that I won't make everything right. Knowing, that I might not even make a difference. That I can't change, what is not in my power. And still do everything what is in my power & do the right thing: act with love and compassion, without fear or greed.

good night, mi corazón

Beloved beast,

so much I have to tell you. But as the mat is calling, just this for now. I was watching an episode right now, getting the same feeling as then. I remembered, how I knew, that this was it, back then. What I want. Who I want. Kinda crazy, I thought at that time, but still. Especially I don't do this sort of crush. Liking something, yes. Very much, also. But that? No. Never. I haven't watched it since then. It felt a bit too creepy. When I did today, everything seem to match, all of a sudden. I knew the feeling. The reaction. The way, it touches me. Back then I couldn't know, but today it became clear, that the past experience was just a forecast, a intervention from something higher maybe (funny form, but anyway), getting me on the way of what I was missing. Giving me a first short glimpse. The full picture I have now. I recognized the feeling, the way it makes me feel. You make me feel like that. Remember the Chinese proverb? "Be careful, what you wish for. It might come true." Yes it did.

I know, darn magical thinking. Don't worry. Brain is still working. No relapses. & certainly even harder to understand than to explain – & I know, I am not doing a really good job here.

Ok: back then = Kätzchen life as it was, before this story here became to be written.

The forecast? What I just watched? Well, I think that is a very good riddle for you. What story – or what character – could give me an impression on how you would touch me?
Take a guess, smart brain.

I will listen to your recommended podcast later – I appreciate your letter very much. Thanks for sharing.
xxx